Realization

I grabbed Brett's wrist after I'd followed him off the stage and pulled him back to a private room.  "What are you doing here?" I hissed at him.  A strip club was literally the last place I would have ever expected to see Brett.


He laughed humorously.  "Well, isn't that rich coming from you," he snipped back at me.


I sighed, but toned down my 'tude.  "I just never expected to see you in a place like this... let alone in Key West," I emphasized.


He raised his eyebrows at me.  "And I never expected to see you... all of you... in a place like this."  Sadness tinged his voice.


Realization dawned on me, as I saw Brett's eyes cautiously skim over my body.


Brett had never seen me naked.


I blushed furiously, and crossed my arms over my exposed breasts, self-conscious for the first time in years.  My eyes dropped to the floor.  I couldn't even look at him.


He didn't say anything for what felt like forever.  "Lex," he began gently.  I looked up at him and his eyes were sad, and on the edge of spilling tears.  "You're beautiful," he whispered.


I could feel emotions coming up on me like a volcano threatening to erupt.  Brett and I hadn't ended on the best of terms, but we didn't end because we didn't love each other.  After Brett, I had shut down feeling anything towards almost anyone.  There was a lot of unresolved feelings that I never dealt with.


I swallowed hard, stomaching the bubbling volcano.  I shook my head no at him.  "No, Brett.  Don't say that."


"Lexy, what happened to you?"  He didn't sound accusatory, he just sounded hollow.


I was unwilling to open up to him.  Not here.  Not now.  I didn't know if ever.  I closed my eyes, pushed out the air in my lungs also releasing any thoughts of what was happening to me.  I gave him my dazzling work smile and asked, "So, what brought you to Key West?"


He rolled his eyes.  He saw right through me.  He opened his mouth when there was a knock on the wall.  The curtain cracked open, and it was a bouncer.  "This room is needed."


I nodded.


We walked out.  We exchanged a look and Brett headed back to his friends.  I started towards the back when Megan accosted me.  "Who was that?" she questioned, wide eyed. 


"No one," I flatly replied.


"Liar."  Then she grinned and walked away.


What was with these people being able to read me tonight?


I needed to work the floor again, for final rounds before close, but I needed a moment to just breath.  I went to the back and sat in a chair, looking in a mirror.  Somewhere deep in my eyes I could see the old me.  But, she needed to stay buried.

XXXXXXX About 4 1/2 Years Ago XXXXXXX

We were studying for finals.


"I don't like Regan."  This was probably the most honest Brett had been with me in months.  Our relationship had become distant.  Empty.


"She's my best friend, Brett.  And you've never had a problem with her before," I shot back defiantly.


"I don't understand why you have to go out with her every fucking weekend and you never ask me to go with, and you don't even ever tell me where you're going."


I winced.  Brett had never cussed at me before.  "You never ask where we're going, either."


"Well, where are you going, then?"


My breath caught in my throat.  I wasn't prepared to answer that.  So I did what I had become best at over the past 6 months.  I diverted.  "Why are you being so controlling, Brett?"


I saw something I had never seen in the past 3 years flash in Brett's eyes.  Rage.  But that wasn't what scared me.  It was his voice: cool, calm, and uncaring.  "And pray tell, Alexandria.  Why are you being such a bitch?"


My eyes widened.  "What is wrong with you?  You have changed so much since coming to Miami.  I wish you wouldn't have come here," I flippantly spat back at him.


He stood up, his rage now showing through his stony exterior.  "I've changed?  You're telling me you think that I have changed?"  He laughed a deep, chilling laugh.  He pointed a finger at me.  "You... I just can't even handle you anymore."


He started walking towards the door, to leave me in my dorm room.  He paused before he walked out the door.  He turned to look at me, devastation now encasing his face.  "Lexy, I love you.  But this isn't you."


I didn't see him again.  He had tried calling me a few times a couple days after the fight, but I ignored him. We were both way too young and way too stubborn. I didn't go back to Ohio for the summer. He didn't come back to Miami the following year, either.


Out of all the poor decisions I made that year, that was by far the worst one of my whole life.

XXXXXXX Current Day XXXXXXX

I was chatting up some guy who was content receiving a chair dance out on the floor, as he was tucking ones and fives into my G-string.  I could tell he was a rich, lonely guy who was there to just blow money, and then later a load.


I felt a hand light on my lower back.  "I'd like a dance, please?"  Brett sounded so awkward.


I laughed and took him back to a different room than we had been in earlier.  "Is this going to be weird for you?"


He gave me his killer half smile.  "Probably."  He looked at me curiously.  "So, confession, this is my first time at one of these places," he gestured around.  "What am I supposed to do now?"


I wasn't surprised at all by his little confession.  Brett really was a good guy.  "Well, luckily for you, this isn't my first time."  I winked at him.  "You just sit right there, and I'll take care of the rest."


He looked apprehensive, but I found it endearing.  I started over again, dancing around and over him, gliding my body against his.  As I lowered my self down on to him, my back against his chest, I could feel how hard he was through his shorts.  I untied my top and pulled it off, tossing it on the floor.


I turned to face him and he hungrily eyed my breasts before making eye contact with me.  I grabbed his hands and moved them to my breasts.  He closed his eyes and squeezed lightly.  I put his hands back down and pressed my breasts against his face, lightly trailing my hardened nipple against his lips.  His mouth slightly parted, eyes still closed.  I could feel my body start reacting to him. 


Shit, I thought.  I never allowed any of my dances to be more than an act.  Ever.  It was why I was good at what I did, and why I never crossed a line with anyone.  I pulled away from him and jumped off of him, his touch burning me.


Brett's eyes popped open, questioning.  He stood up and started walking towards me and I backed away, slowly.  I made sure not to look at the camera, because I didn't want anyone busting in here.  This was a moment more intimate than any I had experienced in my life.


"Brett, no," I whispered, holding my palm up towards him. 


He grabbed my hand and pulled it to his chest, pulling my body along with it.  He held my hand against his heart, which was pounding, and tangled his other hand in my hair.  "Lexy, I'm sorry for how things ended.  I'm really sorry for everything."


Tears prickled the corners of my eyes.  "I am, too.  You deserved better..."


But before I could finish he pressed his lips lightly to mine.  He tasted like home.


He pulled away, gently and too soon, but rested his forehead against mine.  "Brett, why are you here?"


He paused.  "I'm getting married, Lex."

XXXXXXX

I woke up in the early afternoon tired, red-eyed, and hung over.  After Brett's second confession, I had slapped him and walked out of the room.


I told Megan I had to go, and she didn't question me.  She just said leave, and I saw her step behind me to intersect Brett, as he was trying to chase me down.  I got back to my hotel and drank myself into an oblivion. 


I saw it was about 2 p.m., and I had to be at the club at 7 p.m.  The pain that broke through my cracks during the night was still lingering today, causing me to be more miserable than anywhere near how my hang over would make me feel.


I buried my head in my pillow, not looking forward to the next one week and six days in this now tainted town.