Dear Lexy

Dear Lexy,

I know I'm the last person you want to hear from again.  You owe me nothing.  I owe you an apology.  I really would like to do that in person.  I understand if you don't want to.  I'm only in Key West for 2 more nights.

Brett

He left the hotel name he was staying at and room number and also his phone number at the bottom of the simple note.  What the actual fuck, Brett.

I rolled my eyes and crumpled up the note and threw it towards the trash can in my room.

I dropped backwards onto my pillow, sighing.  I pulled the sheets up to my chin and closed my eyes.  I started to drift off and was half-dreaming that I was giving my best dance ever on stage and Brett was the only person there, watching me hungrily.  I started sliding down the pole and it just kept going and going, and soon I was falling in a black abyss.  I awoke hard with a jerk onto the bed, trying to stop my imaginary fall.

"Fucking Brett," I muttered to myself.

I angrily snatched my phone off the table next to the bed and got up and grabbed the crumpled paper and texted him: where are u.  it's lex.

Within seconds he was responding back.  He responded with the name of a bar that I had been to with Toby that was only a couple of blocks from my hotel.

I told him I was on my way.  I slipped on a dress that was laying over the back of a chair and slipped on some strappy heels.  I hadn't washed my face yet so my makeup was still heavy and overdone for this bar, but I didn't care.  I threw my hair up in a messy topknot to complete the look.  I know I looked like I cared too much, but I was really hoping it came across that I didn't care at all.

When I got to the bar the bouncer didn't bother checking my ID.  If I was more on the slutted up side my ID was never checked.  Turns out bars want hot girls in there and don't care if they may or may not be underage.  Plus, I was fully aware when my hair and makeup was all did that I looked older than I really was.

I quickly spotted Brett with his group of guys.  He made eye contact, grabbed his beer and headed over without saying anything.  I watched one of his friends nudge another and soon they were all looking at me, then hollering obscene things at Brett regarding me.  He ignored them.  I could feel his eyes quickly give me the once over.

When he got to me, he lightly grabbed my elbow and started steering me towards the front of the bar where it was a little quieter.  It was almost closing time so it wasn't nearly as busy as it would have been had I come straight there after work.  "I'll put them in their place when I get back to them."

I shrugged and remained silent.

He took that as his cue to keep talking.  "Listen, thank you for meeting me.  I'm so sorry.  I'm sorry for the other night, I'm sorry for how things ended with us.  I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you as well as I should've been back then.  I'm sorry I didn't tell you I was getting married."

I scoffed.  "Don't worry, Brett, you aren't the first soon to be married guy that's felt me up and you surely won't be the last," I spat at him.

The hurt immediately filled his eyes.  I knew it was a low blow.  I knew Brett felt bad not only to me, but probably to the girl he was marrying, so I wasn't helping his guilt.

He took a deep breath.  "Lexy, I know I hurt you in that moment, too.  I know you felt the same way I did - "

I cut him off.  "No.  I felt nothing.  I'm sorry you did."

I could tell by his expression he knew I was lying, but he let it slide.  "Ok, well, I just wanted you to know that as sorry as I am for what happened, I'm not sorry I had the chance of running into you to catch up."

"Well, the next time you want to 'catch up' why don't you go ahead and facebook me like a normal person, k?"  I was still hurt.  He was absolutely right.  He hurt me and I did feel something.  Something that I wasn't ready to face, yet.  "I'm going to head back to my hotel now.  Have a good rest of your Key West trip."

He looked at me sadly, "You too."  He pulled me into a brief hug and we parted ways.

I turned to walk out and bumped right into Toby.

Sealed

A few days passed and my days were spent sleeping, my evenings spent stripping, and my nights partying and hanging out.  With Toby.


Turns out he enjoys my company.  Not that I blame him.  I knew I would be leaving in about a week, so I didn't invest too much into him.  I was good at playing that game.  I would give him just enough to want more, but never enough to cause me attachment.  Nothing sexual though.  He didn't push it, I didn't offer it.  He hadn't even kissed me.


It was a half hour until closing and the club was packed.  All of the girls were working the floor and in and out of private dances, except for the 3 that were required on stage rotations.  I was sitting on some guy's lap laughing with he and his friends, talking about the Cubs.  Apparently they were in town for a bachelor party from Chicago.  Guy had his hand resting on the edge of my G-string on my hip.  He kept nonchalantly rubbing his cheek on my breast when he'd move around to talk.  They were a loud boisterous group, but entertaining still.


I looked up and locked eyes with Toby.  This had been the standard the past few nights.  He would show up around closing and we would go to a diner, or a house party.  I smiled at him so he knew I saw him and went back to talking. 


I finished up the drink I was holding and set the cup down on the table by where guy and I were sitting.  As I was standing up, GDFR came on.  There is something about that song that I love.  It's great to dance to.  I started moving around, and guy asked me for a lap dance right there.  Once done, he tucked some bills into my G-string, I thanked him for the laughs and started towards Toby.


"Hey!" I grinned, pulling the money out and folding it over, preparing to take it to the back.


"Hi," he half-smiled back.  "Are you able to leave soon?"


I looked back and around the place.  It was still full.  "I dunno.  It's still really full.  I could probably still make more money."


Something I hadn't seen before flashed through his eyes, but then it was gone.  "Ok.  Well, would you be willing to go to brunch with me around 10?"


I was surprised, slightly.  I knew we had been having a good time with each other, but he knew I didn't live here.  I wrinkled my nose at him.  "You mean, like a date?"


His cheeks reddened.  He started looking around, anywhere but at me.  "I mean, yeah, if that's okay?"


I laughed and could feel myself blush.  I'd had guys who'd asked me out in the club before, but I never took it seriously, and it was more of a lust thing, and I never took anyone up on it.  This didn't feel that way.  "Oh, sure, of course.  Yeah, that's okay."  Have I ever mentioned I'm bad at dating?  "But you know that I'm leaving soon."


Toby's casual confidence returned then.  He looked me in the eyes and slyly brushed my hand with his.  "All I'm asking for is a date, please?"


"I accept, then." And I genuinely smiled at him.


He gave me one last look and turned to leave.  Megan pounced on me as soon as he was walking away.  "You aren't leaving with him?"


"Not tonight.  He asked me out for the morning.  Weird, right?"


She rolled her eyes at me and walked away.  Whatev.


The rest of the night was uneventful.  Before I left to head back to my hotel, one of the bouncers stopped me.  "Here, someone left this for you," he said, as he shoved an envelope in my hand.


I looked at the envelope, and there was nothing on it, but it was sealed.  I shrugged my shoulders and tucked it into my purse, mentally making a note that I would read it when I got to the hotel.

Let's Get This Over With

I heard a groan as my hand struck scalp.


I cautiously peeked one eye open, more fearful of the light than who was actually next to me.  "Well, hello beautiful," Megan croaked at me.


I laughed a miserable cackle.  "You look how I feel."


She grabbed the blanket and pulled it up to cover her face.  "Then I must be beautiful, too."


"Where are we?" I asked, trying to look around, but the light was making my head start to throb already.  I could tell that it wasn't a hotel, and that's about as far as I got.


"Fuck if I know," she mumbled.


"Is this your place?"  I started massaging my temples, hoping that would ease the pain.  "If so, where's your Advil?"


No response.


"Megan!" I hissed at her, nudging her with my elbow.  She grunted, but didn't move.


I sighed and slowly sat up, trying to make a quick judgment of whether I was to the point of being sick, or just incredibly dehydrated, hence the headache.  My stomach felt kind of nauseous, but not puke-y.  Yet.


I noted that I had on a large oversized t-shirt, and nothing else, but it was long enough to cover everything.  Good enough, I thought.  I mentally noted to thank Megan later for dressing me in something much more comfortable in my drunken stupor.  I also wondered how cooperative I had been.  I laughed a little at the thought of fighting her to get the shirt over my head. 


There was a bathroom in her bedroom so I went in and searched the medicine cabinet, but didn't see any pain meds.  I moaned again at how rough I looked.  My hair a tangled, fluffy mess, my dark eyeliner and mascara giving me raccoon eyes.  I wiped at my eyes with my fingers, lessening the appearance of day old makeup. 


I noticed how messy she was, with a bath towel laying on the floor next to the tub.  I padded out of the bathroom back through the bedroom and towards the door I assumed lead to the rest of the house.  When I opened the door, I confirmed that was the case.


I started down the hallway and heard voices talking softly as I got closer to an open area.  The end of the hall opened up into an open concept living area.  The kitchen and dining area were on my right and the living space plus a bookcase'd off office on the other side with floor to ceiling windows.  At the end of the hall pillars took over where the walls left off rising up to the vaulted ceiling, dividing the two halves of the open area.  I took a couple more steps out into the area, squinting still in the abrasive light, finally locating the voices, sitting at a large high-top table. 


I half smiled at the sight of Toby and Jeremiah sitting there.  I started walking towards them.  Jeremiah was facing me, Toby's back was to me.  Jeremiah slightly nodded his head towards me and Toby turned around.  He grinned widely, taking in my appearance.


I grinned, shyly, then.  I cleared my throat.  "Uh, sorry I didn't get more dressed up."  For being naked as my job, I sure felt self-conscious for not being fully dressed.


He shook his head.  "How are you feeling?"


I wrinkled my nose.  "Can I get something for this headache, please?"


He laughed gently.  "Of course."  He walked towards the kitchen.


"So...," I began, "where are we?  And what in the world happened last night? Oh!  Also, what time is it?"


The guys both chuckled.


Jeremiah started.  "This is Toby's and my place."


"Oh!  You guys are... partners?"


He looked at me weird.  "Um, no.  Roommates."  Then he smiled giving Toby the side eye.  "Although, if I was, Toby over there would be right up my alley."  And he wiggled his eyebrows at me.


I laughed. 


Toby came walking back over towards with Advil in one hand and a large bottle of water in the other.  "Hmm, that may be, but Jer over there isn't really my type.  I prefer my men a little more manly."  Jeremiah scoffed.  "Anyway, we were dancing, and you and Megan both went downhill quickly.  Nothing too exciting happened, but neither of you were really accurately able to tell us where either of you live, so we just brought you back here.  You two crashed in my room, and I slept out here." He motioned towards the couch.  I felt bad hearing that, but was super thankful that they were actually really good guys and didn't take advantage of either of us.


"Neither of us could tell you where we lived?"  I asked skeptically.


"Nope.  In fact, when I asked you kept telling me you lived - and I quote - at the hotel motel Holiday Inn."  Toby started laughing then and Jeremiah guffawed. 


I closed my eyes and shook my head.  Of course I did.  I opened them and looked back at them.  "Well, I wasn't entirely wrong.  I don't live here.  I'm staying in a hotel, but it is not the Holiday Inn."


"Anyway, Jer and I weren't sure if you two worked tonight, but it's 11:30 right now, and we were hoping to take you both to lunch, since brunch has passed."  He grinned at me, expectantly.


My headache was still present, and my stomach wasn't 100, but I knew eating something greasy would probably help.  Especially since we both did work that night.  "I would possibly be up to it, but definitely need to shower and change clothing.  I doubt my current clothing would be appropriate for anywhere we were to go.  And I want to make sure Megan is ok with that plan, too."


I went back to the bedroom and crawled into bed next to her, shoving her a couple of times.  She tried pulling the pillow over her head, but I grabbed it and threw it on the floor.  "Bitch," she whispered.


"Get up, we need to leave."


"What?  Why?" she whined.


"This isn't your house.  Toby and Jeremiah live here."


"Who?"


"The guys from last night!" I hissed at her, exasperated.  "They want to take us to lunch."


"I feel like death."


"I know, that's why I came brandishing gifts."


She hesitantly opened her eyes at me, then.  I held out some Advil and water to her, and she gratefully snatched them from me.  She hoisted herself up to sitting.  "Ok.  Fine.  Let's get this over with."


I grinned at her, actually a little excited to get to know Toby better.

Out

The shower was beating down on my face.  I had slept until the last possible minute, forcing me to halfsies rush to get ready.  I felt awful.  I was emotionally hungover and dehydrated.  My head was pounding, and I was hungry.  I was in a conundrum because I couldn't eat much so I wouldn't bloat, but I knew I'd be drinking, so I needed to eat something.


I turned off the water, got out, and dried off.  I went out and checked the mini-fridge to remind myself of what food I'd bought and stuffed in there.  I grabbed some grapes and a clementine and decided that would have to do with how little time I had.


I pulled on some leggings and an oversized tshirt and tied it in a knot in the back.  I slipped on some hightops, grabbed my purse and left, popping grapes in my mouth as I walked to the club.  The club had lockers to keep our stuff in, so I'd already taken everything I'd need for the 2 weeks and left it there.  I didn't want to have to carry stuff with me back and forth.


I yawned as I pulled the club's door open. 


"You need to cut that shit out," I heard from behind me.  I turned and Megan was coming towards the door, too.


I half-laughed.  "I think it might be a long night."


She grinned at me.  "Not if I can help it."  Then her expression turned serious.  "So, last night..."


"I am so sorry," I began.  "If he comes in again I'll let the bouncer..."


Megan cut me off.  "Stop.  All I want to know is if you're okay.  That's all."


"I am," I said.  Mostly sincerely.  I gave my best attempt at a smile as a thank you. 


She nodded and slapped my butt.  "Now let's get you put together.  You look terrible."


I laughed, for real this time.  "That's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me all day!"


She studied my face, and gave me a weird look.  "Honestly, I believe that.  However, let me guess.  I'm the only person you've spoken to today?"


"Guilty!"  It wasn't often that anyone saw me without makeup on and with my hair still wet and hanging there.


Megan asked to do my makeup and hair, so I let her.  It gave me another moment to rest my eyes.  She was doing my hair first, and before she got started she frowned and dabbed some stuff under my eyes.  "This will help with the puffiness."  Then she got to work.

XXXXXXX

The night was usual.  Stage rotations, extra long dances for me since I was the headliner, and working the floor.  Private dances here and there, no one grabby or out of control.
It was about an hour and a half before close and Megan grabbed my elbow while I was chatting up a group of guys and whispered in my ear, "Let's get out of here."
I cocked an eyebrow at her, said adieu to the guys and followed her to the back.  "Where we going?"
"Out," she grinned.
I checked the clock on the wall.  "By the time we get ready, all the clubs are going to be closed."
She tsk'ed at me and walked to a back closet.  She pulled out a couple of tiny sparkly dresses and handed me one.  "Of course you'd keep a stash here."
She laughed and started changing.  I followed suit.
Shortly after we were walking out the door saying goodbyes.  Before we walked out, the group of guys I had been talking to came up behind us.  "Where you two going?" one of them asked.
I looked at Megan.  She gave me a look, silently asking how I felt about clients tagging along.  I shrugged.  She gave them a seductive look and just nodded for them to follow.
There were five of them.  I noticed a couple of them had wedding bands on, and they were mostly staying out of our conversations.  There was a guy, Toby, who was paying a lot of attention to me.  He had a surfer look going.  He appeared young with blonde hair that just curled on the ends and piercing blue eyes.  He was in a polo with dark jeans, and I could tell he had the body to match that surfer vibe.  Megan had a clean cut guy with black rimmed glasses and skinny jeans right beside her.  His name was Jeremiah.
We walked a few blocks and entered a club, going straight to the bar.  We all got drinks, the guys bought.  Drinks in tow, we made our way out to the dance floor.  Of course.
Between the drinks, the lack of sleep, the emotional hangover, and minimal food, I was soon buzzed and laughing a lot.  Toby's hands on my hips, our bodies felt like they belonged pressed up against each other.
Then the room was spinning.  And that was the last thing I remember.

XXXXXX

"Mmmm," I moaned.  I put my hands over my eyes, the light too bright through my eyelids.  That was already a bad sign. 


I reached for my pillow to bury my head and hit someone else's head instead.

Realization

I grabbed Brett's wrist after I'd followed him off the stage and pulled him back to a private room.  "What are you doing here?" I hissed at him.  A strip club was literally the last place I would have ever expected to see Brett.


He laughed humorously.  "Well, isn't that rich coming from you," he snipped back at me.


I sighed, but toned down my 'tude.  "I just never expected to see you in a place like this... let alone in Key West," I emphasized.


He raised his eyebrows at me.  "And I never expected to see you... all of you... in a place like this."  Sadness tinged his voice.


Realization dawned on me, as I saw Brett's eyes cautiously skim over my body.


Brett had never seen me naked.


I blushed furiously, and crossed my arms over my exposed breasts, self-conscious for the first time in years.  My eyes dropped to the floor.  I couldn't even look at him.


He didn't say anything for what felt like forever.  "Lex," he began gently.  I looked up at him and his eyes were sad, and on the edge of spilling tears.  "You're beautiful," he whispered.


I could feel emotions coming up on me like a volcano threatening to erupt.  Brett and I hadn't ended on the best of terms, but we didn't end because we didn't love each other.  After Brett, I had shut down feeling anything towards almost anyone.  There was a lot of unresolved feelings that I never dealt with.


I swallowed hard, stomaching the bubbling volcano.  I shook my head no at him.  "No, Brett.  Don't say that."


"Lexy, what happened to you?"  He didn't sound accusatory, he just sounded hollow.


I was unwilling to open up to him.  Not here.  Not now.  I didn't know if ever.  I closed my eyes, pushed out the air in my lungs also releasing any thoughts of what was happening to me.  I gave him my dazzling work smile and asked, "So, what brought you to Key West?"


He rolled his eyes.  He saw right through me.  He opened his mouth when there was a knock on the wall.  The curtain cracked open, and it was a bouncer.  "This room is needed."


I nodded.


We walked out.  We exchanged a look and Brett headed back to his friends.  I started towards the back when Megan accosted me.  "Who was that?" she questioned, wide eyed. 


"No one," I flatly replied.


"Liar."  Then she grinned and walked away.


What was with these people being able to read me tonight?


I needed to work the floor again, for final rounds before close, but I needed a moment to just breath.  I went to the back and sat in a chair, looking in a mirror.  Somewhere deep in my eyes I could see the old me.  But, she needed to stay buried.

XXXXXXX About 4 1/2 Years Ago XXXXXXX

We were studying for finals.


"I don't like Regan."  This was probably the most honest Brett had been with me in months.  Our relationship had become distant.  Empty.


"She's my best friend, Brett.  And you've never had a problem with her before," I shot back defiantly.


"I don't understand why you have to go out with her every fucking weekend and you never ask me to go with, and you don't even ever tell me where you're going."


I winced.  Brett had never cussed at me before.  "You never ask where we're going, either."


"Well, where are you going, then?"


My breath caught in my throat.  I wasn't prepared to answer that.  So I did what I had become best at over the past 6 months.  I diverted.  "Why are you being so controlling, Brett?"


I saw something I had never seen in the past 3 years flash in Brett's eyes.  Rage.  But that wasn't what scared me.  It was his voice: cool, calm, and uncaring.  "And pray tell, Alexandria.  Why are you being such a bitch?"


My eyes widened.  "What is wrong with you?  You have changed so much since coming to Miami.  I wish you wouldn't have come here," I flippantly spat back at him.


He stood up, his rage now showing through his stony exterior.  "I've changed?  You're telling me you think that I have changed?"  He laughed a deep, chilling laugh.  He pointed a finger at me.  "You... I just can't even handle you anymore."


He started walking towards the door, to leave me in my dorm room.  He paused before he walked out the door.  He turned to look at me, devastation now encasing his face.  "Lexy, I love you.  But this isn't you."


I didn't see him again.  He had tried calling me a few times a couple days after the fight, but I ignored him. We were both way too young and way too stubborn. I didn't go back to Ohio for the summer. He didn't come back to Miami the following year, either.


Out of all the poor decisions I made that year, that was by far the worst one of my whole life.

XXXXXXX Current Day XXXXXXX

I was chatting up some guy who was content receiving a chair dance out on the floor, as he was tucking ones and fives into my G-string.  I could tell he was a rich, lonely guy who was there to just blow money, and then later a load.


I felt a hand light on my lower back.  "I'd like a dance, please?"  Brett sounded so awkward.


I laughed and took him back to a different room than we had been in earlier.  "Is this going to be weird for you?"


He gave me his killer half smile.  "Probably."  He looked at me curiously.  "So, confession, this is my first time at one of these places," he gestured around.  "What am I supposed to do now?"


I wasn't surprised at all by his little confession.  Brett really was a good guy.  "Well, luckily for you, this isn't my first time."  I winked at him.  "You just sit right there, and I'll take care of the rest."


He looked apprehensive, but I found it endearing.  I started over again, dancing around and over him, gliding my body against his.  As I lowered my self down on to him, my back against his chest, I could feel how hard he was through his shorts.  I untied my top and pulled it off, tossing it on the floor.


I turned to face him and he hungrily eyed my breasts before making eye contact with me.  I grabbed his hands and moved them to my breasts.  He closed his eyes and squeezed lightly.  I put his hands back down and pressed my breasts against his face, lightly trailing my hardened nipple against his lips.  His mouth slightly parted, eyes still closed.  I could feel my body start reacting to him. 


Shit, I thought.  I never allowed any of my dances to be more than an act.  Ever.  It was why I was good at what I did, and why I never crossed a line with anyone.  I pulled away from him and jumped off of him, his touch burning me.


Brett's eyes popped open, questioning.  He stood up and started walking towards me and I backed away, slowly.  I made sure not to look at the camera, because I didn't want anyone busting in here.  This was a moment more intimate than any I had experienced in my life.


"Brett, no," I whispered, holding my palm up towards him. 


He grabbed my hand and pulled it to his chest, pulling my body along with it.  He held my hand against his heart, which was pounding, and tangled his other hand in my hair.  "Lexy, I'm sorry for how things ended.  I'm really sorry for everything."


Tears prickled the corners of my eyes.  "I am, too.  You deserved better..."


But before I could finish he pressed his lips lightly to mine.  He tasted like home.


He pulled away, gently and too soon, but rested his forehead against mine.  "Brett, why are you here?"


He paused.  "I'm getting married, Lex."

XXXXXXX

I woke up in the early afternoon tired, red-eyed, and hung over.  After Brett's second confession, I had slapped him and walked out of the room.


I told Megan I had to go, and she didn't question me.  She just said leave, and I saw her step behind me to intersect Brett, as he was trying to chase me down.  I got back to my hotel and drank myself into an oblivion. 


I saw it was about 2 p.m., and I had to be at the club at 7 p.m.  The pain that broke through my cracks during the night was still lingering today, causing me to be more miserable than anywhere near how my hang over would make me feel.


I buried my head in my pillow, not looking forward to the next one week and six days in this now tainted town.

Cloak of Shame

I had danced with other girls before.  But this: dancing with Megan, was different.  There was no awkwardness.  It was natural. 


Smooth.

XXXXXXX About 5 Years Ago XXXXXXX

"Let's goooooooo, Lex!" Regan encouraged. 


"Um, I'm really not comfortable with this," I hesitantly spoke.  "I don't think this is really the way for me to get more confident.  Plus, this kinda goes against everything I stand for..."


Regan rolled her eyes at me.  "Ok, Lexy," Regan sarcastically began.  "You've tried the past several months to get it together, and nothing has worked.  Just try this.  If it's really bad, or you start crying, I'll rescue you and never force you against what you stand for again.  Promise."  Regan gave me puppy dog eyes.


"But what about Brett?" I whined in a last ditch effort.  Brett not only would never approve of this, but would be so angry, seeing as how HE had never seen me naked.


Regan stopped dragging me towards the door, faced me, and grabbed both of my hands in hers.  "Alexandria, I promise on my life he will never find out about this unless you tell him."


I gulped down the last of my fear and anxiety and nodded my head.


Regan was on the cheer team with me, and had become my very best friend in the few months we'd been at Miami together.  Both freshmen, both standouts.  A lot of people even thought we were sisters, if they'd never met us previously.  Both on the small side, blonde, blue eyes.  However, while I was (usually) confident, outgoing, but conservative, Regan was boisterous, the life of the party, and about as opposite of conservative as can be.  We actually made a good match.  I was more the instigator, whereas she would actually jump first, ask questions later.


I had been musing as to how to get my confidence back so I didn't lose my full-ride, or worse, get kicked off the squad, when she said she had an idea.  She hadn't told me what it was, just told me to trust her.


That's how I wound up in a town a couple hours away, at a sketch looking strip club with "Amateur Night" flashing in lights on its sign.  I knew that Regan would sometimes strip at amateur nights when she wanted extra money, and did so out of town so as not to run into anyone she knew, but I never actually thought that's what she had in mind for me.


The bouncer didn't even card us when we walked in the door.  I looked around the dank, dated inside of the club.  It was small, with ripped maroon clothed chairs sitting around tables.  The tables were sporadically sprinkled around a single small stage, with a lone gold pole in the middle of it.  There was one girl dancing on the stage wearing what appeared to be jeggings and  bikini top.  Her glasses (not the seductive library looking kind) kept falling down her nose, and her dancing appeared to be more like... jerky random movements.  At one point she laid on her back and started clapping her legs together, then wide open, then together again.  Over and over.  There were several small groups of rough looking men scattered around, not paying close attention to the lone girl.


I could feel my mouth agape and took a step backwards.  Regan grabbed my arm.  "I don't think I can do this..."


Regan put her face right in mine, "Yes you can.  And you will."


She dragged me towards the bar, but I couldn't look away from the girl on the stage.  It was like a train wreck.  I didn't know what would be worse: if the groups of guys all watched me, or if none of them did.


She had a conversation with someone behind the bar, and they clearly knew each other.  If I had to guess, I'd say that Regan had been here before, a few times. 


Regan tapped my arm and I looked to see she had slid a double shot towards me.  "Here," she grinned, "you might want this."


She clinked her shot glass to mine and we downed them.  Then she grabbed two other glasses the bartender made while we were standing there and told me to follow her. 


She took me into the back, and I barely heard what she was saying to me as I focused on downing my drink and changing into the outfit she was lending me.  It was some school girl looking outfit.  Lacy thong, with a tiny skirt that didn't cover my butt cheeks, and a white see-through tied top.  Apparently the club we were at was only topless, thankfully, so I wouldn't have to take off any part of the bottoms if I didn't want.  And I didn't want.


As she pushed me out towards the door to go to the floor, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I quickly studied myself.  Heavy make-up, majorly teased hair, my cold and terrified nipples visible and poking through the top.  Although I didn't recognize the reflection looking back at me, the most unrecognizable part was the cloak of shame I was draped in. 


I had never been ashamed of anything I'd done before.


Regan came up behind me and slapped my butt.  I jumped.  She was wearing some sexy dominatrix looking outfit.  She wrapped her arms around me.  "Look at you," she exclaimed.  "Fucking hot!"


Despite how incredibly awkward I felt, I laughed at the situation.  We looked like we were dressed up for a slutty Halloween party, not ready to go strip on a stage.


"Do I have to go up there alone?"


"Yes.  This wouldn't serve its purpose if you didn't," she said firmly, and she pushed me through the door into the still mostly empty hole in the wall.

XXXXXXX Present Day XXXXXXX

Megan's body slid around mine, as we masterfully grinded, parted, slithered around the poles, and then back to each other as if we had spent days choreographing our seductive dance.  We knew exactly when to part and work the crowd that was shoulder to shoulder around our stage, lapping up every move we made.  When the final beat of  Bruno Mars' "Gorilla" played out, we ended face to face, one of her hands on my cheek and one of mine on her hip.  She winked at me, and I laughed.  We parted ways going around the stage letting the men tuck bills into our G-strings, making it clap for extra.


We met in the middle and Megan grabbed my hand and we strutted off stage.  "That," she pointed back at the stage, "was amazing."


"You can move," I said, impressed.


"I couldn't dance like that with anyone else," she cocked an eyebrow. 


Then, another girl stuck her head in the door.  "Hey, a bachelor party just came in!" she squealed.  "They want us getting him up on stage right away."


"Let's go," Megan said while grabbing my hand once again and pulling me out on stage.


They already had the poor sap bent over on the stage with his pants pulled down.  Underwear up, of course.  Someone had given Megan a microphone. 


"Hmmm," she announced.  "It seems that someone's been naughty by leaving the bachelor market and needs disciplined."  Someone had removed his belt and Megan had a hold of it.  She cracked it together in her hand.  "We'll have our special guest do the honor tonight... let's hear it for Lexy!"  She looked at me and held out her hand with the belt in it.  There were whoops and hollers.  I actually hated doing this.  Part of me felt guilty for leaving bruises and welts on the poor guy forced up here by his pig-friends.  But, that's not the role I play.


I grinned mischievously, and took the belt from Megan.  I went over and did my due diligence, putting on a show, spanking the guy at the joy of his friends as they egged me on.  A few yelled out "me next"s, but they were ignored mostly.  It was this guy's time in the light.


After I handed him my hand to help him up, and one of the other girls started pulling up his pants from behind. As the guy stood and we were face to face for the first time, shock momentarily covered my face, as I found myself looking into the eyes of Brett.

There's One in Every Club

"Vodka tonic with 3 limes," I purred in response to the patron who asked what he could buy me.  Some clubs allowed us to drink, others frowned upon it.  This one was okay with it, as long as we were still able to perform our duties.  I always drank vodka tonics.  They were non-bloating and low calories compared to everything else.  They did their job while not affecting mine.
He flagged one of the waitresses down, and ordered it for me.  Waitresses always brought our drinks directly to us after someone ordered them, so as to ensure we weren't drugged.  When she delivered it back to me, I went back to my flirty small talk, making sure the focus was on him.  I always answered questions honestly, but left a degree of mystery.  I never disclosed too much, but enough to make me interesting and to leave them wanting more.
Patron continued, "So, are you a new dancer here?  I don't recognize you, though, you don't dance like an amateur."  He was having a hard time maintaining eye contact, clearly much more interested in what my chest was doing.  I could tell he was rather drunk, as he was slightly swaying. 
"I'm just here visiting," I responded.  Simple is better.
"Well, I'd sure like to visit you in the private room," he nodded towards one of the back rooms used for lap dances. 
Just then the song switched.  I took a large gulp of my drink and handed him the glass.  "You'll have to try and catch me later, I'm up on stage again."  Then I winked, and walked away, making sure to strut, as I knew he'd be watching. 
I climbed the stairs up on the stage I was supposed to be on, the far side one.  There was only one person sitting on it.  Even though I liked working the whole stage and preferred a crowd, I knew how to make that one person feel like they were at the big stage.  I always gave my best performance, even if there wasn't anyone watching.  That's how you catch wandering eyes.
As I slid smoothly around the pole, I maintained eye contact with my loner.  I did always think it was odd when a person would come by themselves.  Male or female, it was no less weird.
Once that song was over, and I had caught a few others' eyes, I walked the edge of the stage, letting them tuck bills into my G-string. 
I went down the stairs back onto the floor and was immediately greeted by guy who wanted a lap dance.  He smelled of Jaegermeister, and it was making me gag.  That was the only alcohol I couldn't stand the smell of.  And before, while it had been faint, now it was overpowering. 
He tightly grabbed my wrist and started leading me towards one of the rooms.  We passed one of the bouncers who raised his eyebrows at me.  I rolled my eyes.  He jerked his head upwards and I nodded once, understanding his non-verbals, reminding me that I just needed to look into the cameras that were in every room and someone would be in.
As soon as he sat down in a chair and leaned back, he pulled out a hundred.  "And what all will this get me?"  as he made a blow job motion.
I couldn't help it, I laughed.  But he was serious.  I twisted my laugh into an "innocent" giggle.  "An extra-long lap dance."
Some clubs will turn a blind eye to "other activities" that may happen in the private rooms, but I never partook in those activities.  Not only that, but aside from me controlling what touching may be occurring between our bodies, I didn't play with that boundary and didn't allow it.  I also knew this club held to a higher standard and didn't allow men touching the girls unless we made it happen (i.e.: we put their hands on our breasts, or we put our breasts on their face, etc.).  It was why I had agreed to these two weeks fully nude.
He scowled at me but didn't say anything else.  I started moving around him and then was grinding against him, and he started grasping at my top to pull it off.  I lightly swatted his hands down and wagged a finger at him.  I unhooked my top and let it fall to the floor.  He immediately reached up and grabbed my breasts.  I lightly grasped his wrists and put them down at his sides, cushioning his face between them as I did.  He moaned and I felt his tongue start licking me.  I rolled my eyes, since he couldn't see.  Par for the course.
I turned away from him and started teasing with my bottoms, rolling my hips around and twerking on him.  I let them fall to the floor, and went back to dancing on him.  His hands were resting at his side on the edge of the chair, where they were supposed to be.  I was moving up and down grinding over him, but not quite touching him when I felt one of his fingers slide over my skin between my legs.  I popped up and immediately stared hard into the camera, backing away from him. 
"Where are you going?" Jaegermeister slurred.
"The dance is over," my voice was cold.
"Bitch, please.  I'm paying for you."
"No, you're paying for the fantasy and visual of me.  Window shopping only."  I stared him down.
The bouncer immediately came in.  The guy's hands flew up, palms forward.  "Hey, hey, we were just having a good time, right sweetie?"
I only looked at the bouncer.  "He touched me," I said flatly.
He knew what that meant and immediately grabbed Jaegermeister's upper arm to escort him out of the building. 
"You're a fucking tease," he spat at me before he was pushed through the door.
I rolled my eyes.  There's literally one in every club.